The ABCs of ADHD

If you put me in a room with a bunch of families whose kids have autism and ADHD, and gave me the opportunity to ask them what causes more problems for their kid in school or others, I bet more than half would say it's the ADHD. And unfortunately, very often the two go together. Kind of like "it's not the heat, it's the humidity" only with neurological problems.

ADHD is like the cute little kid who won't stop telling where people are hidden in the Hide and Seek game. It's the second scoop of ice cream that falls out of the cone and the bird that got in the house through the window you left open and now won't leave and keeps pooping on your furniture. It's adorable and something that has really wonderful and fun value, but that can be just so damn difficult.

I went to see our psych NP not too long ago (granted, I had PMS), and I spent the majority of my time crying about the lack of understanding about ADHD. If you have a diagnosis like autism or Asperger's, there's a concreteness to it that says "He has a disability, and here is the list of things that you can understand about it." But ADHD is annoying. It's become so common, that many people are skeptical that it exists. Or if they do believe it exists, they immediately jump to what the parents must be doing wrong. It makes life with peers and adults difficult. Hell, I can very easily say that it makes life with his parents difficult, and I'm one of them.

Truman's is severe. Without it, I am fairly certain he would be in college by now. With it, he is a rubber ball of energy, a grabber and a poker, an impulsive hugger, kisser and toucher, a word repeater, a jumper and bouncer, a freaker outter. He has no ability to sit for any amount of time and listen or work. If something is difficult, forget it; he'll never spend time on it. He's very easily bored yet has trouble keeping his attention on one thing for any length of time. His brain moves fast, and he (literally) thinks best on his feet. None of this meshes very well with school, sleepovers, playdates, restaurants, areas of busy traffic, small gatherings (especially in houses with a lot of breakable items), large gatherings (unless they are outdoors and only then if there is no bonfire involved), small spaces, or his sister.

There's medication, which has a stigma these days. It's no picnic and not something that anyone I know would be giving their kid unless they were having a really unmanageable time. It makes our sleepless kid more sleepless, gives him headaches and makes him emotional. But it also keeps him from being completely ostracized by friends and it keeps our household from being so Truman-centric in a not-so-good way.

Then there are the naysayers, and the skeptics, and they have opinions... lots and lots of opinions. I've learned to just live around them and nod politely when they start talking about food additives and vaccines and the Feingold diet that we tried about 50 times already. If it's some kind of cure from a book or a program for "healing,"you can bet your ass we've tried it, and I'm kind of done with it. When someone gives me a definitive answer as to what causes it, I'll be right there with y'all. Until then, I cannot turn the household's diet, routine, or mindset upside down again because somebody like Jenny McCarthy said I wasn't "warrior mom" enough.

But we love him. And I spend lots of time trying to figure out new and improved ways to deal with it so that I can translate that to others who have to spend time with him and manage him. I just wish I had had him when I was 25 and had a hell of a lot more energy.

An Ode to ADHD


A is for Attention of which there is not much;

B is for Blurting unfinished questions' answers and such.

C is for Causes that are as yet unknown;

D is for Diagnosis; it's the most common of the half-grown.

E is for Effort. The extended mental kind can be tough;

F is for Fidgets of which there are more than enough.

G is for Go, and he's always on it;

H is for Hyperactivity, the star of this sonnet.

I is for Inappropriate running that he cannot suppress;

J is for the Joneses who can't keep up with us.

K is for Keeping things consistent and calm;

L is for the Lack of doing both of the above.

M is for the Motor by which he seems driven;

N is for Normal - glad it's never been our ambition.

O is for the Organization that long ago took a hike.

P is for Problems, Prescriptions and Psychs.

Q is for the Quiet we haven't experienced in 9 years.

R is Relationships that can be hard with peers.

S is for Stimulants and Stress and no Sleep.

T is for Task - to stay on it is a leap.

U is for Understanding, the thing he most needs.

V is for Very Small: the percentage of time we probably succeed.

W is for the Wit and the Wisdom - the perks;

X is for XML - he probably knows it already, so take that, mean jerks.

Y is for You who knows his returned affection is not a whim;

But Z is the Zigging and Zagging you'll do to keep up with him.